By Jan Drake Bakke

"Bruce's Birthday Month--"Remember Eternity"

("History of a Gymnast--Part 10")

"You Are Not All Mine"
I see you thru music
I listen to you thru colors
I feel you thru visions
I touch you thru others
How can you be gone?
How will I live without you?
You're in my heart forever
How will I go on?
Time has gone by
I know you are fine
You are with many
You are not all mine
I see you in dreams
I know you are free
Your love is still with us all
As you fly into eternity happily!
"Before His Birthday"
My brother was always helping us with gentle actions
With kindness and humility 
And humorous outbursts beyond the call of duty!
Constantly serving
In a moments notice his heart wide open to #1 and# 2 (Mom and I)
Complete love and trust
God amplified
Our sacred dynamic
He is receiving gold now
That is what he gave
I miss him without end
I see his face
I hear him
He is free!
Breathe with me
I can sense your air
Your breeze is free
Our love was rare
I will seize this feeling
My eyes with a tear
This change in which you are dealing
in your new atmosphere!
When I was in the early years of my gymnastics training and career my coach and father used to time me on how long I could take breaks in my practices. I was never seen talking to anyone much as soon as I stepped foot in the gym. My father always told me to not socialize or mess around.  It was very serious and disciplined. To the extreme. I think I have made up for lost time now thru the years as far laughing and having fun. I have had so much of that in different periods of my life.  
So my father and coach use to take notes of my work outs on just this. I would continue to practice in between my turn on the events. I was just not standing around. My father told me to do this however. He didn't like it if I was laxed or just standing and waiting. Especially talking to others. Just not aloud for me. So, that was how I conducted my work outs and I was trained to do so. I was very controlled by my coach and father during these years. I didn't know anything else though. I think this is why my mother took me out to the malls on the weekends after practice for ten to fifteen hour shopping sprees. She knew some of what I went thru but not really. She just knew I needed to feel free. We had a blast too. We would go to around to five different food places during that span of time and eat whatever we wanted to and then go to unlimited amounts of stores for certain items for us both. I was always wanting the exact perfect jeans and or shoes or dresses. She was so patient with me. I was so obessive about it. I loved to shop. I still do today and love the malls. Even just to walk in. It brings back such good memories. I love going shopping with my family today when we visit.  I use to go with some friends also. I did take my mother to the malls when she was in her wheel chair during her last years of life. Today, mostly I go alone and enjoy this just as much. On a good day and when I have enough energy to. Walking is so appreciated that I still can. From five miles a day jogging years ago to now walking a few hours in the malls is a gift for me today. I am so grateful.  Life sure does change. We can count on that.
My brother Bruce knew how strict my coaches  were with me and he knew it was hard on me. Both my brothers knew this and but they were very disciplined athletes as well. Especially brother Bruce. He wanted me to show him ballet moves. I used to teach him a ballet barre in our back yard and we would do it next to the wall and do a short barre. He really enjoyed this. He was a very gifted and talented football player.  He was captain of his high school team and first string quarterback as well. So the stretching was nice for him  and the control of it was really unusual too he said. The specific movements were so different for him. I am so pleased he got to experience a little bit of ballet. Later he became an All American Football player for colleges in the U.S. He was  Captain for the Cal Lutheran College Football Team in Thousand Oaks, California. Quite and honor and acheivement.


"Angel Poem for Bruce"
Brother, my angel in the sky
Flying, gliding so high
I wasn't ready for you to die
We finally found ourselves again and met eye to eye
It was such love
A friendship
Only to say goodbye
Brother (Bruce), you were my angel
Now you're gone
Why oh why?
Crying the tears won't stop
I will not lie
I can't stand you are not here
But an angel must fly
I know you won't shed a tear
But I will still cry
Brother, you are my angel!
Some days are easier than another
They flow and go along one after the other
Until I miss my mother, Again!
And the tears flood once more
And I let it loose
And then I miss my brother Bruce!, Again!
And then I don't feel so bad until I miss my Dad, Again!
And I know we were two drifters after the same rainbow
Singin hi and low!
"We Are"
I am you
You are me
We are 
My heart broke open when you left
And my soul cried
And part of it died
We will survive
We are still alive
Death only separates our physical selves
Not the soul
That will always thrive
I feel you
I see you
I hear you
Our spirits touch
Mom, Dad and Bruce
I love you so much!
"Butterfly A Go Go"
Love is cool
Am I a fool?
Love me blue
Butterfliez rule
Life is mad
Alot of it sad
But some of it glad
Are butterfliez a fad?
Kiss me pleze
I am weak in the kneez
We both teaze
More butterfliez, Jeez!
Alwayz go slow
For things to last and grow
Sometimez life is a Burlesque show
Butterfliez a go go
So just let it fly high
All of our insecuritiez and heart breaks
And changez into the sky
And that is why
I love my totem butterfly!
"A Little Dangerous too"
She lived in between many things
Never  in only one place
But many at the same time
Her mind was partially fragmented
From far too many traumas thru her life
Yet she was more stable than
so many she knew
But an enigma to them
And a little dangerous too!
"If Hugs Were Birds"
If friendship were my heart
I would give you mine
If love were the universe
We will fly thru it and shine!
If hugs were birds
They would fly you to paradise
If smiles were a song
I would smile my way to you
And any price!
"For a brighter future
Change can be a cure!
For a brighter future
Letting go of our fears can be a cure!
For a brighter future
Love can be a cure!"
  "Don't take blame for what is not yours
Some will put their shame on you
Walk in peace and shake it off
It was never yours
Let your life be true!"
"In my Hair a Rose--Spring"
I stretch beyond my limits
And find strength in my pose
Life's remarkable journey 
takes us to unfathomable stances
As I wear in my hair a rose!
Walk Your Peace"
Walk your peace,
And flower power
 the future
To find your dreams
Don't stop
Until you reach them fully
Your life
will be full of light beams!
"Remember Eternity"
In thoz split seconds
of total freedom
We remember eternity!
Happy April! It's Spring! 2019!
Love, Jan