~DIARY OF A VAMPRESS~
by Sue Marie Isbell
June 15, 2013
The Vampress has shed many tears with emotional up and downs similar to a roller coaster over the last few weeks.The small moments of victory far outweigh the huge volume of resistance in regard to finding my child. The translucent veil of negativity compacts tighter with every step closer I take. Its a very good thing that I am highly resistant to bullshit besides the fact of being blatantly persistent. I will stop at nothing until I personally hear from my first born son.
I wanted to search high and low, turn every rock, flip every log, but the truth was that my finances were very limited. I found myself astral traveling more then actual driving to specific locations. Energetically it is quite different to travel in a non physical form and it can be quite draining if you don't mentally prepare for it. From the moment I lay down to go to sleep at night until the dreaded alarm goes off, I travel. I have pushed myself past the point of exhaustion, being nearly depleted of all energy, to complete lethargy. No matter how tired I get, I still press on. I am confident that I will find him.
The hold on my finances were really holding me back in being able to do any traveling. I had to think of something that would help in locating my son. Sure enough, not long after I put out the vibration for some kind of insight, someone suggested I make a FaceBook Page for my son. I did just that. At first I was on every hour, spamming sites with the new information. I received several likes and shares. I was happy with the minimal results.
I called the detective on my sons missing person case to see if there was any updates. He stated that he talked to my ex husband and came to the conclusion that my son may have been moved to the San Diego California area. My mind twitched because I had come to this conclusion a week before. There was talk about a family member who was a former attorney from California.They had a very intimidating demeanor about them. I always referred to them as another human regardless of their past judicial state. In all, I had seriously considered that they had some involvement of my sons disappearance.
I explained as best as I could my thoughts revolving around my son and where he could possibly be. After I got off the phone, I instantly started to spam as many news sites, radio stations, and other forms of social media in the San Diego area. I felt like my efforts were fruitless because I did not receive any phone calls or emails back regarding any kind of media spot light. One gentleman commented about it and stated he would keep his eye out for anyone looking like him.
I sat in silence for quite some time with the insight of this being a mere decoy to throw my hound nose off of the scent. I gathered my courage and began meditating with the intention of well being and safety enveloping my first born. I want nothing more then for him to be in a safe place, alive, and in a good state of being. I have included this exercise in my daily routine with my reserved energy. I know that my child is alive, I just have to find him.
I came into contact with another individual through email. This person is very familiar with my ex and his family. They also knew of my children and some of the circumstances surrounding my bitter divorce. I was elated that I was able to make any contact at all with someone who could be associated with them. This person also had contact with the grandmother (who was seen with my son before he disappeared). When this person told Gma that they made contact with me, Gma gave them a stern warning to stay away from me because I was a Monster. I was just as much of a Monster as my ex was.
My heart dropped to floor because I began to think about my sons emotional/mental thought processes. If the Gma has put forth such a burst of negativity towards her own kin and family projected into my sons perceptive and fragile mind, all that comes to mind is emotional catastrophe. My delicate child's frame of mind is most likely a big ball of negativity with souped up lies and deception. Especially if she knows who is harboring him and continues to feed him from afar. It is most likely that my son is not allowed to know that I am searching for him. He probably wont know unless he is able to get on the internet or be involved in any sort of social media. Even though this may be far fetched, I will not stop looking for him, EVER!
The fact that the word Monster is being thrown around so loosely began to rub me the wrong way. In fact it is known that the things you see as fault in yourself you point out in other people and criticize them. My only guess is that when she looks in the mirror, all she sees is what a true monster she really can be. The never ending web of lies, disrespect, and blatant ignorance towards my family is rather disgusting. All of this comes out and is projected into your own personal well being. Her well being must be rather chaotic to be able to willingly keep her grandson away from his mother. That is rather monstrous if you ask me.
The unlimited judgements and finger pointing is always pointed in the opposite direction of self. I believe it is time to set a sacred space so I will be able to do some mirror magic with her. Hopefully with that, the ties that bind the negativity to her will pull slightly and be released. I get the feeling that because the inward hate she has toward herself prevents her from having a relationship with her own son, then it projects through my son. To her, the fear of any mother/son relationship is to great to bear. She must be right and keep these bands of negativity in place as her stronghold for her own relationship status with her child. Very sad indeed.
My ritual will have to be a lengthy one because of all the past Wiccan rules of engagement which she has turned against. She has told so many lies she began to believe them and fell away from the truth. Now I must remove the bands one at a time in order to free my son from her deathly grip. It's time to re-engage in some rather forthcoming magic to reveal her true self to herself. Healing is a priority but in order to be able to accomplish that, you have to chip away the artificial self that stands in the forefront that even herself has become to believe. I sense many candles, pictures, and a lot of blood being used.
Now that my tone is set for what I am going to do there is also another task at hand. This person also stated that they saw my posters in the Grangeville area. One of the stores did not have my flier up any longer. When asked why the clerk stated "A man took it stating he (RJ) was not a missing person but a runaway". I instantly felt a burst of anger and intuitively picked up on my ex's energetic fingerprint. I asked this person to politely keep an eye out for any more information to who this man could be. I also said to put the word out that t if anyone is removing these posters to get a description and call the police.
I was frustrated at all the hard work I put forth to putting my sons information out there to be torn down so quickly. I then called the lead detective working on my sons case and explained to him what happened. He then stated that he recalled a conversation with my ex regarding the status of my sons disappearance. My ex wanted to claim my son only as a runaway instead of a missing person and the detective had to set him straight and explain that any person with their whereabouts unknown regardless of being a runaway or not is always considered a missing person. My ex wanted to argue the fact no matter what the officer told him. With this new information, it feels like a family member is really trying to cover up my sons disappearance.
As a concerned parent I would think that one would want to find their child by any means necessary rather then try to take away from any information that may be out there.The level of bullshit with that side of the family is so high that you have to have your own plow to hopefully be able to get through it, even then, that is questionable. All of this leads me to believe that he knows more then what he is saying or he just doesn't care...
To be continued...
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